if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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