Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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