Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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