Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
