I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
