Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
