So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
