They should really pass out barf bags in church
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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