I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
