Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
