no, he came in my armpit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
