I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
