I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
