What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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