Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
