I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
