Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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