Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
