During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize