I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize