and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
