i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
