u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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