goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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