She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
