i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize