you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
