fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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