Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize