she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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