She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
