We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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