I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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