I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
