Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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