he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
