We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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