Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
