Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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