Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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