I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
