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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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