I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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