I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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