woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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