You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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