You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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