I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
