In the future we'll all be gay
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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