We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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