so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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