I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
