what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
