I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize