How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
