"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
