I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
