At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
