I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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