she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize