I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
