I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
