its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
