I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
