I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cut my penus on the lid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
