cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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